Uncovery Of A Sorcerer
by PenDragon Scars
Summary: Hi! This is One-Shot Merthur story. How is Merlin going to reveal his secret? How is Arthur going to take it. Read and Know! Warning: Merthur, boyxboy, self-harm, rated T for some kissing scenes


**Hi everyone! **

**One shot! Merthur! ^^**

**This is something that was written earlier this evening. I was chatting with a girl in Omegle i decided to post it here. **

**Hope you like it! Tell me in a review what you think of the story.**

The deterioration in Merlin had been a slow, drawn out denial in the beginning. He effectively suppressed most of his emotions, still able to slap on a smile and go about his duties as normal. But as time went on it became clearer and clearer that something was most definitely wrong. The smaller things were starting to get to him until the point came that he was almost hysterical. There had been a particularly notable incident when Merlin's shaking hands - weak from lack of sleep in the past few days - had slipped when pouring the prince a glass of water, the liquid spilling out over the table and some splashing on to Arthur's lap in his chair. The Prince had typically chimed in with the usual insult, calling Merlin a clumsy idiot however with no real fire behind it. That's what had made Merlin's reaction so unexpected. The man began laughing instantly, almost manically however before he managed to move to clean up the mess he'd made, a switch was flipped and he instantly began crying, practically hysterical. He'd quickly muttered out a string of frantic apology before rushing out of Arthur's chambers, back to his own room. Since then the mood swings seemed to get worse and worse until one day they just stopped. He didn't go back to normal...quite the opposite actually. Merlin went /quiet/, Unnervingly so. The only real emotion to be seen as of late was the occasional harsh snap when he would flare up in anger - again, usually over something seemingly insignificant. Apart from the occasional glimpse of anger, Merlin was numb. He dutifully went about his chores in an odd silence, like he was lost in his thoughts - trapped by them. Gaius had been getting more and more distressed, relentlessly questioning his young ward to no avail. Merlin refused to acknowledge that there had been any change at all despite the fact that even /Uther/ had brought up the notable change in his son's young manservant. It was far too drastic to ignore, the normal goofy smile and bright appearance replaced by his brooding, sullen features even dressing in darker clothes - constantly wearing long-sleeve shirts regardless of weather. He'd dropped some weight as well, which with Merlin's body type, was extremely noticeable. He was already skinny but now he looked terribly unhealthy, skin somehow managing to go paler than usual leaving him looking sickly. And still Merlin denied any change, yelling whenever any of his friends insisted he was acting different. He was slowly becoming a man made of secrets.

Arthur was in his chamber waiting for Merlin. It was breakfast time so he was sure that he will come. He always came in exactly the same time and the Prince was sure that he could do the same today too. He heard the door open and stood from his bed. He went to the table, and leaned on it crossing his arms as he saw the boy enter. He was dressed as usual, the dark blue shirt and neckerchief. His face looked as dull as the day before and the day before that. Arthur determinate to get him speak about what ever was bothering him today. Even if it took his whole day to do it!  
"Good Morning, Merlin"- He said with firm voice

Merlin had hardly stepped in through the door when he heard his Prince's voice greeting him, sounding something skin to determined. Merlin ignored it, keeping his head ducked humbly as he entered the royal's chambers and carefully shut the door at his back. "Good morning, My Lord." He greeted respectfully, another attribute Merlin had taken up lately. He was much more reverent, making him seem a lot more like a servant...but so much less like 'Merlin'. He walked over and lightly rest the plate down on the table Arthur was leaning on and looked at him briefly. "Your breakfast, Sire." He said dutifully before backing up a few paces, ready to go deal with his chores.

Arthur heard what the boy said and felt his heart squeeze inside him. He was using the same word. The same word as everyday. Merlin didn't even looked at him and that drove him crazy. After he rested the plate in the table he took back a few steps. The Prince gazed at him, there was nothing in his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes were empty, like he was looking at water, there was no emotion inside them and they always looked at the floor. Arthur was a bit angry the he was just standing there, waiting for orders. He wanted to make him talk, and as he saw it was not going to be easy. He said "How are you today?"

If there was anything in Merlin's eyes it was something untouchable...just a certain kind of weariness that made him seem so /old/. Like he was ancient, carrying a thousand years of burden on his shoulders, despite the deceptively calm and collected smile he managed to slap on at his master's question. He could hear the concern in Arthur's tone...but he'd been pushing away worry from others for weeks now so it was nothing new. "Just fine, Sire. And yourself?" He asked quietly, giving a glance over to a few things scattered around the room and walked over, picking them up and putting them away.

"I have been better." He said and looked as the boy moved around the room. He wasnt paying attention on him. He was just answering, because it was polite, because he had to. Arthur felt like he was at the edge looking down upon the drowning Merlin, wanting to help him, to throw him a rope, but was unable because he felt as though the boy didnt was to be saved. He was not going to let his drawn. He tried another way. He knew that if he violated the timetable of the boy, he had to make some reaction so he said calmly. "Merlin, do you want me to find another manservant... because here you look unhappy and I don't want any of the people working here to seen like this."

Merlin, who had been picking Excalibur sheathed in it's scabbard up off the floor dropped the weapon instantly with a loud clatter then promptly managed to get his feet tangled in a shirt Arthur had left lying around and fell flat on his face. He coughed slightly as the fall winded him a little but carefully pulled himself back up to his feet, picking up the sword and shirt slowly as he got up. "I...am just fine, Sire." Merlin answered carefully, looking distressed but voice remaining eerily calm. "I'm not unhappy...but if you wish for me to cease my services..." Merlin trailed off for a moment, clearing his throat before he straightened up, managing to wipe the pain from his expression. "Whatever makes you happy, My Lord."

'I am going to kill myself' - Arthur thought. How can he be so... so subordinative. He looked at him. Though he was beautiful, Arthur couldn't deny this, he looked much more pale that before, he smiled less and looked as he was sick. That made the Prince worry. What was happening with him? What was happening with the one he loved. Yes, he loved him. And he was even thinking that Merlin did the same too, before he fell into this condition of his. The boy hadn't changed his expression, not even a bit. Arthur wanted to make him react at anything so he just started talking out laud, wanting to see where will he give him an emotional reply, so he decided that he will talk about his feeling. He started quietly - "Merlin, I want to tell you something... For a while, I have been thinking about someone...'' - He fell silent seeing he Merlin will respond

Merlin slowly set Excalibur down by the bed, eyes flitting up to Arthur as he spoke in a wary glance before he started folding the shirt, putting it away in one of Arthur's drawers. "Oh?...Who would that be, My Lord?" Merlin asked with a small touch of genuine curiosity underneath a thick layer of caution. Arthur was being strategic, that much was clear...Merlin just wondered quietly what he was up to. He hoped he wouldn't start asking if he was okay...because frankly he'd been getting enough of the interrogation from Gaius. He hated having to lie to his father figure enough without having to add another lie to the pile with Arthur. Every time he deceived his wonderful Prince, no matter if he'd just saved his life, it made Merlin feel sick to his stomach. But he simply waited and listened for now.

Arthur has been quiet for a minute. He was thinking if Merlin remembered that time, when he had almost told him what he feels for him, but could, because he was scared of his reaction. He decided not. Looking at the boy how was still working, he remember the first time he smiled at him. Then Arthur was on seventh sky. But now he had to continue. - "It is really complicated. I started to think that ... he doesn't even know that I exist" - He said and pressed his lip, gazing at him. - "I don't want to bother you..." - he said, wondering if this was going to work. It was the last thing he had in mind, so he hoped so.

Merlin swallowed thickly, shoulders tensing slightly as he slowly caught on to what Arthur was doing and he looked at him again, this time not averting his gaze quite so quickly. "I'm sure he does, Sire...never a bother." Merlin answered quietly, pausing for a moment before he cleared his throat and looked away. Gods, why was Arthur doing this to him? For all he had on his mind right now to have his feelings for the Prince surfacing right now really was almost too difficult to bear. It was painful...because the more he thought of how he loved Arthur...and the more it seemed he actually reciprocated those feelings the more Merlin was drawn to think of the vision he had. The more he thought of the way this would inevitably end. It made beginning it in the first place seem almost painful.

Arthur didn't know what to do... It looked as he wasn't succeeding and that was killing him. But yet he decided not to give up. He started to talk again. He was going to twist it in every possible way, so to make Merlin tell him more than a short sentence ending with 'my lord' - "I don't know... He doesn't do anything to show me that he even cares about me, though I see him every day, though I try to be nice to him as possible. He is just not responding...'' - He said and looked back at Merlin who was somehow stopped working for a while and looking at him too. He rapidly changed the place his gaze fell. Now he was feeling worse. He didn't know if he had to say anything more. He wanted to see Merlin smile and wanted to embrace him, but he couldn't because he wasn't sure. He never was.

"...I'm sure he does care about you...perhaps it's just something else on his mind at the moment..." Merlin said before realizing that he'd literally just confessed to something being on his mind, something being wrong - which was pretty much what he'd been denying to everyone for weeks. Not only that but he was about two seconds away from spilling his heart out to Arthur and it seemed Arthur was ready to do the same. Merlin cleared his throat and made a quick escape, striding off towards the door. "I'm sorry, My Lord I-I have to go. I'll be back in a few hours with your lunch." Merlin quickly excused and before Arthur could protest or really say much more, Merlin left, marching quickly down the corridor. He was completely overwhelmed...he had to calm down - and lately that meant only one thing.

"No, Merlin come back" - Arthur said and quickly followed the boy though the door. He saw his taking a turn. God he was so close. So close... to make him talk. He wanted to get to him and take his hand. To tell him how much he loved him and beg for return feeling But what was he doing, he couldn't do it. But fortunately this time Arthur wasn't going to listen to his mind. He was going to listen to what his heart was telling him, because he wanted to go. And so did he. He ran after him and saw him leaning on one column. He went to him and said - "What happened?" - His heart was beating fast as hell. But still his voice was firm. He wanted to go closer to him, to looked close into his eyes, but couldn't. - "Why did you ran away?"

Merlin sighed deeply, refusing to look up at Arthur, sure if he did he was going to do something stupid. He simply ducked his head and clamped his eyes shut, hands fidgeting close to his chest with the bottom of his neckerchief. "I've...I should be...getting on with my chores, Sire...you..." Merlin stuttered, shrinking away from his Prince slightly but so desperately wanting to just move forward, to have Arthur wrap him up in his arms so he could tell him everything - /everything/. Merlin was so tired of keeping all these secrets...so tired of hurting like this.

Arthur's mind was working on high speeds. Ignoring everything that Merlin told him about his chores He said - "You can trust me with everything, Merlin. I want you to know that." - He gazed at him, knowing that he wants to talk. He just needed someone to give him the first words and the Prince was sure he was going to let out everything that bothered him, for so long time. - "Do you want me to speak first?"- He asked knowing from first hand that this was the easiest way to make someone talk. He just going to hell hil everything he was thinking in the moment and then hope for the best. He took a step closer to him and once again waited if Merlin was going to respond...

Merlin took a deep breath, still curled in away from his Prince as he hesitantly nodded. He wasn't sure if he could bring himself to tell Arthur everything. He was frightened and upset and angry - mainly at himself. This entire situation was beyond frustrating and he felt like he was either about to lash out and break something or burst into hysterical tears. However he chose to focus on his curiosity instead, wanting to know what Arthur had to say...Perhaps it would shed some light on what he was supposed to do about all of those.

Arthur nodded his head. He knew what he was going to tell Merlin. Everything. But just didn't know from where to start. - "I told you that I was thinking about someone... He is from the court, but he is not royal. I thought I know him very well, until about a month. Since then he acts as though nobody exists and that drives me crazy, because... because..." - Arthur stopped himself, what was he going to said. He looked at the ground and felt as his blood came to his face. - "...because I I loved him." - He finally said - "And I still do, even if I am never to get respond at my feelings'' - His voice was shaking a bit and he felt that his eyes watered, but he wasn't going to cry. He looked at Merlin and saw him like he was going to hell him something.

Merlin swallowed thickly, eyes squeezing shut tighter at Arthur's words and his shoulders were trembling ever so slightly, knees weak like he might collapse to the floor. Merlin took a few moments, not trusting his voice to remain steady before he gathered his composure and spoke, still not yet looking up at Arthur. "Perhaps...he /does/ return these feelings...but because he is not royal he doesn't feel...worthy of you." Merlin said slowly, calculating every word he said before cautiously looking up towards his Prince, his own eyes glittering with unshed tears. "And I'm sure he does not mean to act this way..."

Arthur heart was beating like a madman. He was just being told that Merlin loved him. But he was not sure how long will he be able to hold himself from kissing the boy. He wanted to know more about how Merlin felt. So he took a step closer to the man and said - "I don't care for the fact that he is not royal. I prefer him for that...'' - He stopped for a while. - "Do you what way he means to act?" - He knew the question was stupid and he was a bit worried if he was about to scare him, but he was close enough to him so he could stop him if he was about to him. He looked into his eyes and for the first time since about a month Merlin returned his gaze. Everything inside the Prince turned when he saw his eyes

There was a long pause, several long beats of silence passing between them as Merlin simply stared, eyes searching and wide and frightened...then he simply couldn't restrain himself any longer. Merlin threw his arms around Arthur and pulled him forward, crashing their lips together with all the love and desire he felt for his Prince. He kissed him deeply, adoring every second...and yet something was still wrong as tears sprang to his eyes, rolling down his cheeks, close enough to the royal that his tears touched Arthur's cheeks as well. Merlin had to pull back, reluctant though he was and he gasped in a ragged breath before breaking into desperate, broken sobs, burying his face against Arthur's chest. "I can't, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love you, I can't-Please, I'm sorry.."

Arthur saw Merlin coming against him he felt as he kissed him. This was the happiest moment in the Prince's life. He returned the kiss passionately. He just now realized how much he longed for that kiss. He took Merlin's lips as they were water in the desert. Wrapping his arms around him he pulled Merlin as close as possible, finally being able to sense him. He felt as one of his tears touched his cheek. A shiver ran down his spine. He kissed him once more and then Merlin pulled away. Hearing what he said, Arthur felt that a tear came out of his eyes. He had never been more happier, more completed. - "I love you, Merlin. I love you." - He said - "And I am sorry that I didn't do anything earlier. I love you" - He said and kissed him again. This time the kiss was more gentle. He felt Merlin moan he he licked his lower lip.

Gods to have Arthur kiss him like this was incredible. He'd never felt anything so wonderful, like he was kissing Avalon itself. And upon hearing Arthur's words Merlin felt all his problems, all his burdens and worries and pains temporarily fly out of the window too wrapped up in Arthur to care. He knew this was wrong. He should speak to Arthur first...had to tell him the truth but he was terrified. Scared that if he told Arthur everything his love would be stolen away...and Merlin wanted to know the light of Arthur's love just for a little while...wanted to remember it in case he was shunned or rejected for all he was. So he pushed aside his problems for now in favour of what felt so /right/...and that was kissing Arthur. He moaned softly as he felt the Prince's tongue swipe out over his lower lip and his arms around the young Pendragon tightened ever so slightly, kissing him back longingly.

Feeling Merlin in his arms was the only thing Arthur wanted. He was able to stay like this forever. The kiss was making him fly, he touched the boy's lips with his tongue making his way inside his mouth. His arms were moving up and down Merlin back. But yet there was something strange. Something like a strange tension over Merlin. He wanted to ask him, but he was worried that it would be too insensitive. He decided to go for it, but he was to wait a bit longer. A small final kiss and he pulled away looking into his eyes. Those beautiful eyes, now full of emotions. He loved them. He wanted to talk to him, but knew that there were too many people here so he said - 'Come with me!" - And took his hand

The feeling of Arthur's hands running over his back was wonderful...if only with one minor problem. The touch had him worrying about something entirely different and that was - what if Arthur tried to take off his shirt. He couldn't deny anything then...because his torso was literally covered in scars, arms littered with new cuts some of which were still bleeding ever so slightly, fortunately not enough to stain his shirt. He didn't know how he'd explain that to Arthur and yet he somehow found himself forgetting all about it when Arthur took his hand and he simply nodded, staring adoringly at his Prince and taking his hand in return, following him wherever he wanted to go.

Arthur walked on corridor after another, finally they reached a long staircase. Arthur pulled Merlin climbing the stairs. After a couple a minutes they were up. He opened a door and right then Merlin realized that they were on the roof - "This is my place." - Arthur explained and pressed his lips. - "I don't know of you want to talk about it, but I want to ask you something..."- He fell silent. He felt something underneath Merlin's shirt, he couldn't tell what it was, but it sensed like scars. This was what he wanted to ask him. Still holding his arm Arthur pulled the boy on the ground and looked at him.

Merlin took a moment to smile slightly, looking out over his Prince's kingdom from their vantage point in quiet awe, enjoying the solidarity of being up here. It was a lovely spot...and he felt touched that Arthur would bring him here. However, he flushed bright red and averted his gaze, feeling Arthur's fingers brush attentively over the scars underneath his shirt, obviously feeling that they were there. Merlin wasn't sure how to explain himself...so he simply waited for the question that Arthur was going to ask him, willingly lowering himself to the ground with Arthur. "...What is it, Arthur?" Merlin asked shakily, though used the man's actual name for the first time in weeks.

"I... was wondering...''- He started. He was very careful in the word he was going to use - 'What is this... on your back?'' - He said and looked at Merlin, who's eyes were tensed. As if he was afraid of what was he going to tell him - ''You don't have to tell me, if you don't want, but I am concerned about you" - He said and touched Merlin's knee. The boy shivered - 'You don't have to be afraid. I won't hurt you." - Arthur wasn't sure why he said that, he would never do anything to hurt Merlin. Never. He would better die before hurt him, he loved him too much. He took a look at the boy. He wanted to know what was these scars from./

Merlin froze up and sighed. He'd been expecting the question but it didn't soften the blow of it any less, tensing noticeably upon the mention of his back...and his back wasn't even the half of it. These scars were everywhere on his body. Merlin was embarrassed above all else...embarrassed of his weakness, of his failure...and Arthur was still being so kind and so understanding. That was enough to coax the confession out of Merlin, albeit reluctantly. "I...It's not only my back." Merlin began the confession and took a deep breath before carefully pulling off his shirt, exposing the cuts all over his chest and arms as well, some of which were still bleeding, clearly cut as early as this morning before he came to work. Merlin shut his eyes as he carried on, taking hold of Arthur's hand and using the touch to ground himself, taking comfort from the support of his Prince. "...I did it."

Seeing that Merlin's back, chest and arms covered with scars... touching them... He was wondering who was able to do such cruel thing. And then Merlin said that he was the one to do it. Arthur's jaw dropped. He started to open and close his mouth, trying to think about something apropriate to tell him - ''Why?'' - He was only able to ask, with worried and a bit shaking voice. Why would he do such thing to him. He caressed his chest, feeling that he shivered in every touch he made. - "Why would you this to yourself?'' - He asked again, he left his voice calm, he didn't want to scare Merlin... He just wanted to know why, there must be a reason why was he able to do this to him... Arthur looked into his eyes and waited.

Merlin once again saw the question coming but was entirely unprepared with an answer, pausing to think and shivering ever so slightly as Arthur's fingers brushed tenderly over raw and sensitive skin, so gentle and caring in his touch. "I...because I'm a fucking failure...and a liar." Merlin finally admitted, tone and expression completely self-depricating to the point where it was bordering on self-loathing. As far as Merlin was concerned he deserved every one of these scars and a thousand more...and he certainly didn't deserve the wonderful, amazing light of Arthur's love or even his presence.

Arthur brushed his cheek and with a finger rose Merlin's chin - "Listen to me.. You are may be everything, but you are not a failure or a liar." - He said and looked in his eyes, trying to show him how much he love him. - ''No one deserve such cruel thing to happen to him, for nothing he has done no one deserves this punishment." - He said. Very carefully, not to hurt any of this scars, he pulled his into a close embrace. - ''Promise me, you won't do that again, please... Merlin." - Arthur looked at him, he pressed his lips, with his eyes worried.

Merlin returned the embrace a little tighter, not caring about the mild pain the pressure on his cuts brought up. He simply had to hold Arthur, needed him for support in the crucial moment...because it had all been building to this moment...the final confession. "I am a failure and a liar Arthur." Merlin confirmed shakily, taking a moment to bury his face in against his Prince's neck, holding him close before he pulled back and whispered, avoiding promising anything just yet. "I...I am a sorcerer. I have magic..."

For a while Arthur looked blank at the nothing thinking over Merlin's words. Despite everything his father had told him, he never learned to hate magic and sorcerers. He even thought that if it was used for good, the magic could be something helpful. - "Oh.." - He said and looked down. When he was small he thought that it will be the best thing in the world if he had magic, or he had a friend that could do magic. HE decided that he will he him that - ''You know when I was little, my father talked to me for hours how bad magic was... but.. I couldn't understand why. It can be used for good and help people." - He fell silent for a while seeing the hope in Merlin's eyes and smiled. - "I even wanted to have a frieand sorcerer, who would help me when I grow up, but I never had that possibility." - He finished and shut up, waiting for his reaction

Merlin blinked in mild surprise, heart swelling with love and adoration for his Prince, overjoyed that Arthur did not hate him for this. In fact he seemed to be accepting him completely...even mildly happy about the discovery. "Oh..." Merlin mimicked before he gave a light and warm chuckle, throwing his arms joyously around Arthur. "Thank you, thank you, thank you..." He muttered endlessly, placing light butterfly kisses over Arthur's cheek and jawline and neck. "I love you..." He said again, never tiring of the words.

**Hope you liked it! ^^**


End file.
